An Unspoken Love Story

“Some people cross our path not to stay, but to change us.”

Since childhood, the girl I loved suddenly came back to my mind today through one sweet memory, and once again, it brought a smile to my lips.

We studied in the same college in our village. I still remember the day my Grand father gifted me my first new bicycle. It was my first day riding it. 

She teasingly asked me to treat her with sweets. I told her I didn’t have any money, but I said she could walk to school with me instead. When I said that, she smiled. she was happy. At first, she hesitated, but somehow I convinced her.

The next day, we went to school together on my new bicycle. That day, without saying it directly, I expressed my feelings to her. She loved me too, but she could never say it openly.

Eventually, she got married. I tried to contact her, but I couldn’t. From the day she got married, I have been dying from inside. Even today, I love her just as deeply as I did in my childhood. She is my first and last love, and she is still alive in my heart and will remain there until my last breath.

Once, I told her that I wished to eat Maggi made by her hands. Flirting, she smiled and said, “You will get used to eating Maggi made by my hands.”

I replied, “I don’t know about Maggi, but I’ve already become used to someone.”

That day, I flirted back for the first time.

The last time I met her, her marriage had already been fixed. She didn’t tell me, but the way she looked at me, her eyes said everything. It was as if she was saying, 

“I love you so much. I can’t live without you.” That was the first time she looked at me so intensely, tears in her eyes.

After that, we never met again. She is married now. She has lovely children. Every day, I pray to Bholenath to keep her happy, to give me all the pain meant for her.

Wherever I go, my eyes still search only for her.

Then, for the first time, I met another girl on X, who reminded me of her, her smile, her beauty, they way she talk and behave everything felt the same. Slowly, without realizing it, I fell in love again.

For the first time, it felt like my love had returned in another form.

But maybe this time too, fate wasn’t on my side. Perhaps someone cast an evil eye, or maybe my destiny is written only to yearn for love.

Now, my only prayer to Bholenath is that, In my next life, write her name in the lines of my palms. And if that is not possible, then please don’t give me another life without her.

I am living every moment lost in her memories, like a monk. My heart finds no peace, my mind finds no rest, every moment, it is only her who occupies my thoughts.

Sometimes I wonder, when someone is not meant to be written in our destiny, why does God bring them into our lives?

Many times, I have thought about ending my life, but then the love of my family and my responsibility as a son stops me.

Now, I have only one prayer to Bholenath, wherever she is, may she always remain happy.

Even if I couldn’t have her in my life, I have her memories with me. And till my last breath, her memories will live in my heart, and my heart will keep beating only for her...

“Some people cross your path and change your entire direction in life.”

She couldn’t be my destiny, but she will always be my last prayer.

Part 2 coming soon...

Written by 

Jitendra Verma

An UPSC Aspirant